Technology- Push the Button

It is unfair to say that I am not a fan of modern technology, but I would say that there sure as hell are parts of it that are not my friend. I do not know what is my issue with keeping my devices charged, as it would surely be a simple thing to plug them in each night. This small move would assure that I am rip roarin’ ready in the morning, but in my defense, you can only plug the damn things in, if you can find them! It is a running joke about where have I left my phone in the office. I spend time each day looking for my iPad, to view the App that tells me where I left my phone. Oh it’s comical alright. Little do they know that I also misplace the bugger at home, in the car and well, just about everywhere I go. My husband, Chance, gives me a lot of grief over this, but in fact, he is likewise missing a lot of expensive hats! Just sayin’

The frustration with my electronic items does not stop there. I also cannot find the chargers that go with them. In the rare instance that I do have a charger, it is not the right one. Why the heck do they make so many different kinds and that does not even count the cords that hook them to other uncooperative things like my computer or my car.

It has been my greatest triumphs to figure out how to FaceTime with my kids, down or upload videos onto YouTube (I’m never sure which one it is) and set up my iPod with a killer playlist which is Blue Toothed to my new mini speaker. Booyah, this girl is on fire!! My Nikon can magically send pics to an App on my iPad, my FitBit can tell me when to pee, and I can set my coffee maker to perk a cup of Frappe latte at 4:30 a.m. every morning. What more do I need?

A lot. These are just gateway devices. There is a hell of a lot more to explore, but I gotta take it slow. Keeping up with technology is imperative for living my Red Shoe Life, but I usually end up in a virtual reality nightmare of an endless warren of wires, and the monotonous hum of a aol dial up.

Figuring out technology can be frustrating, but it is key to keeping up with current events, medical breakthroughs and of course, the Kardashians. Surfing the internet helps me carry on an intellectual conversation, save money on my car insurance and experience world events as if I were actually there. It stimulates my brain, keeps the temperature in my home at a steady 72 degrees and allows me to order a 50 bag of sheep food to be delivered without ever leaving the house.

If you think that sounds exciting, be sure to check out my latest YouTube video called Red Shoe Life-Virtual Reality for a good laugh. The kids gave me a quick tutorial on a few simple technical games and had a hearty snicker at my expense. Truly, if you want to know how to figure out something technical… ask a kid.

Guys, all joking aside, this is serious. Being able to use technology is a key component to living a Red Shoe Life, and it is very easy for it to get ahead of you. Don’t let it intimidate you. There are whole stores full of people just standing around waiting for you to ask them a question (and sell you the latest gizmo). Ask them. Ask everyone until you understand. Don’t be afraid. There isn’t a button on any home gadget that will end the universe. Live your Red Shoe Life and push the button. Push all the buttons.

I do, when I can find them.

Rumor Has It…

Today I played the part of  a gossiping tour guide on our “Trash Tour” bus outing.  We invited residents from my senior community to enjoy a tour of our town complete with pit stops for snacks (such as pork rinds, rag bologna and squeeze cheese, moon pies and grape sodas).

During our tour we would stop in front of each MacMansion and I would put on my trashiest Southern drawl to dish dirt on the fictitious person who lived there.

“Now on my little ol’ right,  you’ll see the home of Big Daddy Graystone.  He isn’t home right now though.  A little ol’ burdie called me this mawnin’ and said they saw Big Daddy creepin’ in the backdoor of that TRASHY Nancy Miller.  Y’all know her don’cha, Hon? The owner of the Germantown Bakery?  Rumor has it that there is more than buns in her oven!!!”

Oh how they would squeal!  After all, polite society ladies never speak of such things!

We went through the gamut of stories; there was the 2nd floor balcony of Freddy the Flasher, the tall spindly Victorian of old lady Boone with her 29 cats, the countryside compound of a real live hit-man, and the modern Californian+

type estate of Maylene Porter, who has more visits from the May Tag repairman than Sear & Roebucks!  The stories got better as the tour went along.

When the tour finally ended, we collected the remains of some mighty delicious delicacies, and gave everyone a hug promising to do this tour again soon.  As I bent down in my seat to collect my purse, I overheard one of the passengers say to the other…” Who was that woman and how does she know EVERYBODY in town?”

The smartly styled gray headed  tourist leaned over to whisper in her companion’s ear…

“Rumor has it…”

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