Technology- Push the Button

It is unfair to say that I am not a fan of modern technology, but I would say that there sure as hell are parts of it that are not my friend. I do not know what is my issue with keeping my devices charged, as it would surely be a simple thing to plug them in each night. This small move would assure that I am rip roarin’ ready in the morning, but in my defense, you can only plug the damn things in, if you can find them! It is a running joke about where have I left my phone in the office. I spend time each day looking for my iPad, to view the App that tells me where I left my phone. Oh it’s comical alright. Little do they know that I also misplace the bugger at home, in the car and well, just about everywhere I go. My husband, Chance, gives me a lot of grief over this, but in fact, he is likewise missing a lot of expensive hats! Just sayin’

The frustration with my electronic items does not stop there. I also cannot find the chargers that go with them. In the rare instance that I do have a charger, it is not the right one. Why the heck do they make so many different kinds and that does not even count the cords that hook them to other uncooperative things like my computer or my car.

It has been my greatest triumphs to figure out how to FaceTime with my kids, down or upload videos onto YouTube (I’m never sure which one it is) and set up my iPod with a killer playlist which is Blue Toothed to my new mini speaker. Booyah, this girl is on fire!! My Nikon can magically send pics to an App on my iPad, my FitBit can tell me when to pee, and I can set my coffee maker to perk a cup of Frappe latte at 4:30 a.m. every morning. What more do I need?

A lot. These are just gateway devices. There is a hell of a lot more to explore, but I gotta take it slow. Keeping up with technology is imperative for living my Red Shoe Life, but I usually end up in a virtual reality nightmare of an endless warren of wires, and the monotonous hum of a aol dial up.

Figuring out technology can be frustrating, but it is key to keeping up with current events, medical breakthroughs and of course, the Kardashians. Surfing the internet helps me carry on an intellectual conversation, save money on my car insurance and experience world events as if I were actually there. It stimulates my brain, keeps the temperature in my home at a steady 72 degrees and allows me to order a 50 bag of sheep food to be delivered without ever leaving the house.

If you think that sounds exciting, be sure to check out my latest YouTube video called Red Shoe Life-Virtual Reality for a good laugh. The kids gave me a quick tutorial on a few simple technical games and had a hearty snicker at my expense. Truly, if you want to know how to figure out something technical… ask a kid.

Guys, all joking aside, this is serious. Being able to use technology is a key component to living a Red Shoe Life, and it is very easy for it to get ahead of you. Don’t let it intimidate you. There are whole stores full of people just standing around waiting for you to ask them a question (and sell you the latest gizmo). Ask them. Ask everyone until you understand. Don’t be afraid. There isn’t a button on any home gadget that will end the universe. Live your Red Shoe Life and push the button. Push all the buttons.

I do, when I can find them.

Dumb Ass

Ok, drum roll please….the award goes to ME for being a great big dumb ass today.  As you know, I had some foot surgery on Wednesday.   I’m not the first person in history to have foot surgery, and considering I am surrounded by much stronger women on a daily basis, I didn’t think  f&&^^*%ing  around with my big toe joint was going to be much of a problem for me.

Surgery was Wednesday, and although my kids were really messing with my head by saying it was morning when it was still the same day (rat bastards), I stopped taking the pain meds on day two.  My foot has about a 5 inch cut from my toe nail up my foot, and I only saw this cause I took the bandage off, which I was also not suppose to do.  All in all, I’ll probably never be a sandal model now, but there really has never been any real danger of that with my size 10 clodhoppers.

I rented a knee scooter, which I thought was the bomb and had vision of me racing up and down the halls at work, merrily bringing coffee back to my desk, where I would put my foot up and spend some quality time with my computer.

Well, truth be known.. I couldn’t work the scooter.  I was so unsteady I thought I’d break my other foot.  My thighs were shaking and the handles hurt the rest of my rheumatoid so bad I had to steer with the palms of my hands.  I broke out in a sweat and my head hurt until I nearly threw up just taking the damn thing out of the box.  There really should be warning labels on it….  “Must be a Tri-athlete”

So, of course, I parked it in my den and left it there in case I need a footrest.

I couldn’t arrange a ride , so I drove myself to work after removing my boot and made the one hour trip with relatively no pain….. until I got out of the Mini-Cooper.

I hobbled up the sidewalk with my kid’s martial arts cane,  stopping only every time I wanted to pee my pants.  This was not going well.

Needless to say, the day was awful and unless I put my foot up on top of  my desk, it was not elevated at all.   #hurtslikehell.

Ok, ok, I called my boss and told her that I surrendered.  I am staying home tomorrow and most likely the rest of the week until I see the doc on Friday who will undoubtedly kill me.  I don’t know why I just had to go to work, maybe I just didn’t want to use up all of my vacation time on something so stupid.  I think perhaps we just get used to being the work horse.  In fact, I do not care for women who are weak and frail and whine about their various illnesses all the time.  I avoid them like the plague especially  when there are people who are truly ill that plow through their issues and live their life anyway.

I know that there must be a happy medium between  being my hypochondriac grandmother and my martyr mother who’s favorite saying even when you were bleeding out was “Eh, go take an aspirin!”

As far as today…I was wrong.  I made a huge mistake and I am sorta embarrassed to have been so stubborn.  What will I do about it?  “Eh, I’ll go take an aspirin…  and sit my dumb ass on the couch where I will await further instructions from people who know better.”