I recently had a revelation. I can’t believe it took me an entire year to figure this out. It is nothing that would change the world, per se, but once completed, it is something that would definitely change MY world.
It occurred to me that no matter how many things I triumphed from my long list of transformations, there would always be a looming festering abyss. A dark stinking catacomb; mysterious and foreboding. This tower of excess has to be dealt with. Vanquished in one swift dumpster of no-regret. Where is this thorn in my side you ask? Right in the epicenter of my house; the garage!
If you believe in Quantum Physics, in other words, “like attracting like”, it goes without saying the source of all the negative things happening with my house (aka money pit) must be radiating from my Hades playground. A day does not go by without a snide reference to my “organizational skills” and frankly, it is not without warrant. There is no Feng Shui that can help me at this point and there is only one way for the stuff to go….OUT!
Me: “I’d love to go on a picnic sometime”
Everyone else: “We would too, however, all your shit is on top of the baskets.”
And then I noticed that people were using the garage as an excuse.
Me: “Let’s invite some people over!”
Everyone else: “Well we could, but somehow your shit would do something that would cause an apocalypse!”
It has been mentioned that my army of steel gray tubbies were in fact the cause of everything from my kids allergies to my husband accidentally locking our cat into the hay van for 4 days….. (because if I didn’t have so much crap in the garage, they could have unloaded the van without the cat getting in…) see where this is going????
Now, please let me mention that there is PLENTY of stuff in the garage that has nothing to do with me. Athletic gear, paint cans, automotive ramps, toys, all manner of BBQ paraphernalia , canning equipment, pet food bins, a dozen pair of size 12 boots, the washer/dryer, prepping items and cases upon cases of paper towel and toilet paper. Lord knows in a crisis, we would definitely have enough toilet paper. No matter who’s stuff was shoved in there, it was only MY trash that was in the way.
So, unless I go for the jugular, no other home improvement project will count until the monster has been tamed. It may take a few weeks, a dumpster and a bullwhip, but I feel it is essential in my quest for total transformation. I must set aside all sentiment and release my beloved belongings to go forth and prosper somewhere else. I will sweat and cry until nothing is left but the bare minimum and gut the sucker with NO MERCY!
When at last the garage is clean and there is nothing left for other’s to bitch about, I will go on my picnics, ride my bike and invite anyone over I want with a clear conscience and without fear that somehow my pile of western centerpieces might cause an international incident.