Dumb Ass

Ok, drum roll please….the award goes to ME for being a great big dumb ass today.  As you know, I had some foot surgery on Wednesday.   I’m not the first person in history to have foot surgery, and considering I am surrounded by much stronger women on a daily basis, I didn’t think  f&&^^*%ing  around with my big toe joint was going to be much of a problem for me.

Surgery was Wednesday, and although my kids were really messing with my head by saying it was morning when it was still the same day (rat bastards), I stopped taking the pain meds on day two.  My foot has about a 5 inch cut from my toe nail up my foot, and I only saw this cause I took the bandage off, which I was also not suppose to do.  All in all, I’ll probably never be a sandal model now, but there really has never been any real danger of that with my size 10 clodhoppers.

I rented a knee scooter, which I thought was the bomb and had vision of me racing up and down the halls at work, merrily bringing coffee back to my desk, where I would put my foot up and spend some quality time with my computer.

Well, truth be known.. I couldn’t work the scooter.  I was so unsteady I thought I’d break my other foot.  My thighs were shaking and the handles hurt the rest of my rheumatoid so bad I had to steer with the palms of my hands.  I broke out in a sweat and my head hurt until I nearly threw up just taking the damn thing out of the box.  There really should be warning labels on it….  “Must be a Tri-athlete”

So, of course, I parked it in my den and left it there in case I need a footrest.

I couldn’t arrange a ride , so I drove myself to work after removing my boot and made the one hour trip with relatively no pain….. until I got out of the Mini-Cooper.

I hobbled up the sidewalk with my kid’s martial arts cane,  stopping only every time I wanted to pee my pants.  This was not going well.

Needless to say, the day was awful and unless I put my foot up on top of  my desk, it was not elevated at all.   #hurtslikehell.

Ok, ok, I called my boss and told her that I surrendered.  I am staying home tomorrow and most likely the rest of the week until I see the doc on Friday who will undoubtedly kill me.  I don’t know why I just had to go to work, maybe I just didn’t want to use up all of my vacation time on something so stupid.  I think perhaps we just get used to being the work horse.  In fact, I do not care for women who are weak and frail and whine about their various illnesses all the time.  I avoid them like the plague especially  when there are people who are truly ill that plow through their issues and live their life anyway.

I know that there must be a happy medium between  being my hypochondriac grandmother and my martyr mother who’s favorite saying even when you were bleeding out was “Eh, go take an aspirin!”

As far as today…I was wrong.  I made a huge mistake and I am sorta embarrassed to have been so stubborn.  What will I do about it?  “Eh, I’ll go take an aspirin…  and sit my dumb ass on the couch where I will await further instructions from people who know better.”

Author: redshoelifetransformation

Life and Wellness Coach, Author, Motivational Comedian

2 thoughts on “Dumb Ass”

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